Breaking Down The Walls
by Sway a la Stories
Summary: It took me six years to build these walls around myself. Six years to craft them into the immovable, impenetrable shields they are today. Six years making them stronger and stronger. Then why did it only take him six seconds to break them down? ExB AH


It has been exactly six years today.

Six years since the numbness swept through my body. Six year since I cried. Six years since I laughed. Six years since I allowed myself to feel pain. Six years since I lived. Six years since I danced.

People said that losing people that you care about it hard, but will eventually get better with time. Why is it becoming so much harder for me? Why is darkness becoming strong? I tell myself that it wasn't my fault. That I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time and things couldn't work themselves out. If that was true though, I wouldn't be in my current state. I wouldn't still be so dead.

But I am, and the numbness is still there. I spent my whole life, wanting to get rid of the pain. I just wanted to stop feeling. Now I would give almost anything to feel again. Hell, I would take that pain over this blankness.

After the accident, things just stopped for me. I couldn't function like I did before everything happened. My life just sort of put on pause I guess. Everything was moving and changing around me, but I was stuck in that one moment. That one moment that I wish everyday didn't happen. That one moment that is forever haunting me.

That one moment where my brother died.

-3-3-

I raised my eye to the mirror around the room. As stared at myself in the mirror, I realized I had no idea who that girl was. She didn't even fucking look alive.

This is the place where it all began. Unfortunately this is where is everything happened. And six years ago, it's where everything ended. Yet I still come here every day. I don't use the still perfectly polished Marley floor or the Barres that are lined along the mirrors. Hell, I didn't even look in the mirrors until a couple days ago. Being there after everything that happened, made me want to believe some sort of feeling would come back again.

It didn't work.

I always come back here though. I don't know why, but it's honestly the only home I truly have left no matter how much I hate it.

There was a soft beeping coming from my bag that I discarded to the corner. Trying to block out the noise, I closed my eyes and fell to my back. The cold floor sent shivers through my body, but I welcomed it. My mom always told great thing are always accompanied by pain. As a little girl, I would hate believing that. Now, I live for that.

My mind was starting to wander when the beeping started up again. I groaned and got up to shut it the hell up. Everything has become a habit for me. From the place I sat to the place where I threw my bag. So even in the completely stilled darkness, I knew exactly where I was going. This made it really easy for me to locate my phone, the source of the persistent beeping.

Without looking to see who it was, I flipped it open, "What the fuck do you want?"

There was a soft giggle on the other side, "Well hello to you Bella."

I rolled my eyes. Alice. She was something different. People don't usually like to talk to me. I guess I give off that 'stay away' vibe. Everyone loves Alice though. She is a people pleaser, and just being around her or talking to her could make anyone feel important. We meet on my first day at the club. She came up to me and said hey. Me being the sadistic person I am told her to fuck off. The freak proceeded to hug me, and tell me she knew what it was like. That was when I knew there was maybe more to her, and we have been friends ever since.

"What do you want Alice?" I groaned as my body slow slide down the wall I had previously been leaning on.

I could hear the chaos in the background as she answered, "I want you to get your ass down here, the place it swamped, and we need someone else being the bar now."

She hung up before even giving me a change to respond. Smart girl.

Sighing, I tossed my phone into the bag. My fingers found their way through my hair as I looked around the studio one last time. Once again, there was absolutely nothing not even pain. Shaking my head, I reached for my bag and headed for the window. They don't usually allow people in at twelve o'clock at night, no matter who your mother was.

I threw my bag out the window, and waited till I heard it hit the ground before I lifted myself out. After so many years, I was able to expertly maneuver down the wall until my feet gracefully touched the floor.

My 1963 red Chevy stepside C-10 pickup was parked a five block down the studio. That car is the only thing I have that I truly feel is mine. I saved up the tips I would make at the bar for three years before I was able to buy it. Of course it has problems, but unlike all the other dumbass cars on the road today, it has character.

Beside it always accomplished its main purpose. Get me more point A to point B.

The parking spot was always different because I was a paranoid loser, and I thought someone would notice. So it wasn't unusual for me to forget where I parked. Today was one of those days. When I did eventually find it, I unlocked it and quickly speed away to the club.

-3-3-

True to her words, the club was extremely busy. It look me a while it wiggle my way through the crowd, but eventually I was able to get to the bar.

I immediately spotted Alice. It was kind of hard to not notice the little five foot girl shouting at men and women ten times her size.

"Yo Alice," She turned her head to meet mine so fast that I was thought she would get whiplash.

I could literally see the relief ooze from her face. Unlike me, Alice was a complete open book. Every emotion, every thought she had was always expressed on her face. I envied her for that. She took the same road to hell as I did, but she was able to bounce back. She was strong. I think that is the reason I let her hug me that day. I need someone to keep me from slipping through the cracks I'm tiptoeing around.

"Oh thank god, what the hell took you so long?" Just as I was about to answer, she held her hand up to stop me, "No I don't really give a fuck, just get ass behind this bar."

I didn't hesitant as I jumped over the counter.

Being behind a bar is hell. Every shout, every demand makes me cringe. You would think that after working here for so many years, I would be used to it, but I'm not. The loudness was this great disturbance to the silence in my head.

"I'll have a Long Island Ice Tea." I couldn't locate the source of the voice, but based on the clearness of it, I could tell it came from close by.

There was one good thing about working the, it let me just get rid of the thoughts that are running through my head. Everything moved so far that keeping up with it was all that you could have on our mind. Let your thoughts drift and you efficiently murdered yourself. Figuratively of course.

The glasses were lined across the back wall, and the minute I had one in my hand; it was game on.

It shouldn't take more than 30 seconds to make a drink, so between the two of us the crowd started to decrease.

"Vodka," Alice shouted at me. I reached for the bottle under the counter tossing it in her direction. I didn't have to look to know she caught it. That girl is as graceful as a swan. I have no clue how she does it, but she can put dancers to shame.

Finally, after two brutal hours, the people were finally all gone. Well except for the few that occupied the few stools around the bar. I sighed; sometimes I liked that crowd better. They kept my thoughts from encaging my brain.

"Hey, we were pretty hot tonight." Alice said as she bumped me with her hip.

I turned my head and came face to face with her hazel eyes. Alice never really accepted her shortness, so she would always make it a point to wear heels. I never accepted the concept of heels, so this usually kept us at eye level. Although I wouldn't think it really mattered seeing as how I'm but a mere 5'4.

I let my eyes wonder around the now empty bar before turning back to her, "Yeah, I guess we did."

"Hey you ok for the night?" She asked, pulling herself up to sit on the counter.

I quickly scanned the crowd again. Noting only about half the people there, I nodded, "Yeah I think I'm good."

"Well Jasper's taking me out tonight, so call me tomorrow." Alice shouted as she racing to the door. If I was her, I could be running away from here too. I leaned on the counter and watched as a whole shit load of people were grinding on the dance floor. This was one of the main reasons I took this job. I thought being around so much dancing would help me get back to normal.

Nothing has been working through.

I crossed my arms on the counter and let my head rest on them. Tonight was going to really drag on.

There were only about five to ten people around the bar, so I didn't have to worry about rushing. The bar started to slowly die down, and by three am, I could finally count the number of people there on one hand. I signaled for the bouncer to get rid of them. Then pretty soon they were gone too.

Now it was back to how it always seems to be.

Me and silence.

I sighed as I packed away all the remaining bottles before I grabbed a beer for myself.

Making sure the doors were properly closed, I headed to the apartment upstairs. Alice's father owns the club, so when they heard about me not having a place to stay, they insisted that I use the one above the club. I tried to pay the rent, but they wouldn't take it.

It was a very simple apartment. There was a living room, kitchen, bathroom, and exactly one bedroom, perfect for someone like me. I entered my bedroom, and quickly stripping out of my clothes, I pulled on one of my baggy, old tee shirts. The minute I hit the bed, sleep devoured me.

-3-3-

**Well that was chapter one. **

**What did you guys think? Let me know…**

**Oh and almost make sure you check out my page for pictures from the story and stuff! **


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